I ruined my life, something that was in the past and should have stayed there surfaced. And in the aftermath, everything collapsed, absolutely everything, like a house of cards. Well, let's face it, it was my fault.
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I have been living with my boyfriend for about two years. I like and appreciate him a lot, I like him madly, both in character and in appearance. In bed everything is also more than great. Kind, attentive to every detail, caring. My kind of guy, no matter how you look at it.
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So, everything seems to be fine, there is a place to live, there is a loved one, there is a business that my man hooked me up with. He grows berries, microgranberries, and sells them to restaurants. He made a greenhouse for me, so I started to develop another business, growing flowers for sale.
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Everything is so good, I have a great relationship with his parents, I get along well with his mother. We were like friends, we went shopping together a lot.
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Well, I don't usually drink, because I just don't know how, I get carried away too fast. I had a farewell party with my classmates half a year ago, when I graduated from university. Well, because of the alcohol, there was a sexual intimacy with some guy.
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Please don't label me all unkind now, I hate and curse myself for that day. I decided to hide everything, and who would find out, I thought. As time passed, I thought it was all in the past. Even though my conscience was killing me, I saw no other way out. A week ago my boyfriend found out about it, and there were even some pictures of it.
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I don't want to go into details, but it turned out to be a very small world.
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I thought there would be yelling and screaming at me. BUT THERE WAS NONE OF THAT!!! He just looked at me and said he was sad and left. And that was it, now there was an insurmountable barrier between us, no matter how much I tried to talk to him, it was in vain.
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I lost the man I loved, who hated me, I lost my business, my dog, many friends who had turned their backs on me. Everything. I do not know how to move on, I want it all back, I hate myself. Help at least some advice.