Hi all. I have been a mistress for 4 years. In the beginning everything was easy and fun, we were not interested in each other's private lives.

Then it started to spiral, we started traveling together, etc. I didn't want a serious relationship at the time.

A year later I realized that I had strong feelings for him. I didn't tell him about it, thinking that he didn't need it and he also wanted an easy relationship. During all that time my self-esteem became very bad, I became insecure, I fell into a deep depression. After 2 years I confessed my feelings to him.

He said he loved me very much and thought I didn't need a serious relationship. I think he is afraid because our age difference is 30 years, I am a very beautiful and young girl.

A couple of years ago I met another man who has been courting me all this time. I don't see my future with him.

I've been communicating with the other man, distracting myself and bringing myself out of my depression. Always thinking if 1 man left the family, I would end my association with 2 and be devoted to him. 4 months ago I confessed my feelings to 1 man that I was distracting myself from thinking about him with another man. He was depressed, told me to make a choice.

I ended all communication with 2 man in a couple of weeks, stopped talking to everyone, waiting for him to reciprocate. It's been 4 months now, he and I have become very close. But still he leaves for his family. Saying: Wait another 4-5 months to settle everything and I will be with you. He has no intimate relations with his wife, they call once every couple of days.

But then what is keeping him? I am very hurt, I can no longer be depressed, and I understand that 4-5 months I will not last in this state, we need to do something.

Started to communicate again with 2 man to distract myself somehow. Perhaps to offer an alternative: I will have another man and you will have a family and everything will be equal.

Or suffer and wait for him?

Or maybe I don't want a serious relationship? Maybe it's the big difference that scares me?