I envy women who have had many men

Does anyone wish they had been honored when they were young?

It seemed to me the norm to have 1-2 partners in life and as a result a strong marriage based on respect, trust and friendship, without looking left, like this is the apogee of a happy life, not your sex.

Well, that's how it worked out for me, I've been living well for 10 years now, but in bed with no emotion. For the last year I just started to have a problem (I'm 35) with envy of the s*xually active, and I've been snapping at my husband.

I wish I had been fucked up, I would have known what it was like. But I was relatively quiet, I refused everything, I was afraid of getting into trouble.

I see girls at work quietly changing men, or read comments on the Internet, how women remember s*x with their exes, compare who had what, relish the details.

I am so envious, I would also like to be open to s*x, to have many men, choose my husband not by intelligence, but by the size in his pants and the ability to use, to receive this primitive pleasure and feel the passion. Sad.

I'm definitely going to be that grandmother at the driveway who has everyone around her who is just a prostitute, because it's very enviable that someone knows how to enjoy their youth and men. I don't think seriously about cheating or breaking up with my husband. Though thoughts do occur.

But 100% I will sit alone like in my youth, I will not go anywhere to jump on anyone, it is not in my character.

I can only fantasize, feel sorry for myself and condemn everyone around me for ****, which I want myself.