Mankeeping: Women Quietly Leaving Men Behind
When was the last time you heard of “mankeeping”? For many, it’s a newly minted term that’s rapidly becoming part of the relationship lexicon. Defined by researchers Angelica Ferrara and Dylan P. Vergara, mankeeping refers to the dynamic where women bear the emotional and social well-being burdens for the men in their lives. But as history unfolds, this isn’t just a quirky term—it’s reshaping modern relationships as we know them.
The Emotional Toll
The past three decades have seen a decline in male social circles. As Ferrara and Vergara’s work at Stanford University has revealed, women increasingly find themselves performing the quiet, strenuous job of being emotional caregivers, bridging gaps in men’s social frameworks. Imagine investing hours a week simply to keep another adult socially afloat. It’s little wonder that this unequal emotional labor contributes significantly to mental exhaustion among women.
More Than Mere Support
The notion of mankeeping isn’t just about support; it’s a triad involving emotional nurture, fostering social connections, and imparting social acumen. Women often find themselves the perpetual caregivers, whether through arranging friend meetups for men or subtly encouraging open-hearted conversations that men traditionally dodge.
As their research indicates, an overwhelming 62% of single women have walked away from the dating scene entirely, feeling depleted and unreciprocated. When asked, many men acknowledge the oddness or presumed futility of emotional camaraderie with male friends, instead leaning on women for such vulnerability. This dependency over time leads many women to quietly edge out of relationships, prioritizing their own emotional storage.
Is Dating A Losing Game?
Ferrara discovered through interviews that more women than men are choosing not to date, not because of disinterest but due to the unreturned emotional investments of the past. It’s why modern dating feels fraught, with stereotypes crumbling as women withdraw from relationships, often before the eye can discern an end.
Redefining Expectations
The labeling of this phenomena offers hope as psychologists aim to tackle male loneliness. But for supporters of the mankeeping theory, the emphasis lies elsewhere—namely relieving women from the expectations that they seem biologically fated to shoulder emotional responsibility. The shift from collective male bonding is ostensibly men’s to console, not women’s to reinforce.
According to KISS.ie, these insights signal necessary changes both at a societal and interpersonal level, encouraging men to expand their networks and driving home that pre-existing standards for relationship maintenance desperately need upheaval.
In embracing this awareness, we can begin stitching the fabric of expectations, allowing our social constructs to evolve, fostering balanced care and support.
Written by Edel Hickey
