The topic is as old as the world: we've been together for four years, and he doesn't want to get married.
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We have been dating since we were 17, yes, we are young, but we are very successful. We work in the it sphere, our salary is more than 4000$, we earn about the same.
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I realized that I was ready, I thought it was a natural development of the relationship, a transition to a new stage, I brought it up and we argued. It came down to the fact that he thought the marriage should be postponed for at least five years.
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That really upset me. Because first he will save for an apartment (there is a down payment given by my parents, the rest is to accumulate a delta), after the purchase wait until the house is built, then do the repairs, which also costs a lot of money, and then you can already think about the wedding and collect money for it.
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I have decided for myself that I am not ready to be in a girlfriend status for more than six years. It's as if the man is undecided and is in a passive search for a better candidate.
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For me, marriage is a confirmation of seriousness of intentions, a willingness to build a family, a desire to declare to the world, "This is the woman I love and I want to live my whole life with her." I don't want to be the one who "waited" while a man worked out his issues for years.
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I'm sure it's possible to get married without renovating and buying an apartment and doing a modest event on a small budget. I feel like there will be more reasons not to get married next.
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And so I'm stumped. He says he loves me, but he's not ready to get married. This really hurts my self-esteem, because I believe that if people want to be together they register their marriage, it is the logical and natural course of things.
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It turns out that he's not ready to propose anytime soon, and I find it insulting to date for a dozen years. I realize that I can't pressure him, because even if he does propose under pressure, it will turn out that it was me who insisted and not him who really wanted to.
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⠀ Have you ever been in this situation? How was it resolved? Is it normal? Is it worth the breakup? We haven't come to any kind of decision. Thank you.