The topic is as old as the world: we've been together for four years, and he doesn't want to get married.

We have been dating since we were 17, yes, we are young, but we are very successful. We work in the it sphere, our salary is more than 4000$, we earn about the same.

I realized that I was ready, I thought it was a natural development of the relationship, a transition to a new stage, I brought it up and we argued. It came down to the fact that he thought the marriage should be postponed for at least five years.

That really upset me. Because first he will save for an apartment (there is a down payment given by my parents, the rest is to accumulate a delta), after the purchase wait until the house is built, then do the repairs, which also costs a lot of money, and then you can already think about the wedding and collect money for it.

I have decided for myself that I am not ready to be in a girlfriend status for more than six years. It's as if the man is undecided and is in a passive search for a better candidate.

For me, marriage is a confirmation of seriousness of intentions, a willingness to build a family, a desire to declare to the world, "This is the woman I love and I want to live my whole life with her." I don't want to be the one who "waited" while a man worked out his issues for years.

I'm sure it's possible to get married without renovating and buying an apartment and doing a modest event on a small budget. I feel like there will be more reasons not to get married next.

And so I'm stumped. He says he loves me, but he's not ready to get married. This really hurts my self-esteem, because I believe that if people want to be together they register their marriage, it is the logical and natural course of things.

It turns out that he's not ready to propose anytime soon, and I find it insulting to date for a dozen years. I realize that I can't pressure him, because even if he does propose under pressure, it will turn out that it was me who insisted and not him who really wanted to.

⠀ Have you ever been in this situation? How was it resolved? Is it normal? Is it worth the breakup? We haven't come to any kind of decision. Thank you.