At 32, I've been with my partner, who is 36 this year, for five years. Despite breaking up and reconciling twice, my love for him has never waned. Yet, my mind often battles with my heart over the decision to marry him. I've always understood that marrying him would mean relying primarily on myself, as he adheres to a principle of splitting everything equally. This, combined with his lack of ambition, paints a picture of a very simple life, possibly teetering on the brink of poverty.
After being laid off, he turned to courier work. It's been two years, and he hasn’t sought out anything more substantial. He seems to have settled into this role, attracted by its minimal responsibilities, light demands, and relatively flexible schedule. The job suits him for now, but it doesn’t offer much in terms of growth or financial security.
He is a divorced father of two children. Every weekend, his kids visit him at his mother's house, where he currently lives. In contrast, I have never been married and am yearning to start a family of my own. However, his financial situation is strained; he is mired in debts and says we can't even consider having a child for at least another three years, until he has managed to settle his financial obligations.
I live in a small one-bedroom apartment, while he lives with his mother. The thought of marrying him is frightening. He openly admits his lack of ambition and warns that our life together would be modest, at best. He promises to try his best, but he has also prepared me for the likelihood that things might not improve much financially.
Deciding whether to marry him is a daunting challenge. I am torn between my feelings for him and the practical considerations of building a life together under these circumstances. How does one make such a choice when it feels like the heart and the head are at odds?
